5 Tips on Surviving Divorce
By Salli J. Hollenzer
Journal your thoughts and feelings: The best way to process your intense emotional feelings, quickly, is by writing them down. Get all that negative emotion out so it doesn’t eat you up, and then snap the book closed and be done with it! Studies show that people who write about their issues are more composed, at peace, and find solutions faster than those who don’t.
Salli’s Blog
Prayers That Are Heard, posted 10 days ago from today
Because the church promotes family life and marriage, being divorced places us out of the LDS culture, in a way. Mid-life singlehood, as an adult member of the church, can feel so out of the mainstream; so distant and cut off from others whose c... read more
I'm a Mormon!, posted 16 days ago from today
Click here to see my "I'm a Mormon" profile! read more
Choose Virtue in 2012, posted 20 days ago from today
As we look around the world--and at our own lives, even--it's not hard to see that times are changing quickly. Twenty years ago, no one had any inkling that technology and social media would be so pervasive in our lives; yet, here we are all sta... read more
Look! There's a New Year Ahead!, posted about 1 month ago from today
I love to celebrate the New Year! To me it speaks of a clean slate and a fresh start. At the end of the year I generally feel the weight of all the events of the previous twelve months on my shoulders; all the good and the not-so-good rolled in ... read more
A Christmas Gift to Share, posted about 1 month ago from today
During this beautiful Christmas Season I want to wish all the LDS Singles a wonderful Christmas! If this is your first Christmas as a single person, just remember, after a divorce it usually takes two complete seasonal rotations bef... read more
A Free E-book on Navigating Divorce, posted about 1 month ago from today
I've connected with a great lady online, recently, who is as passionate as I am about helping others face the challenges of divorce. Karen McMahon is a life coach who has been divorced herself and wants to help others get to the next best place i... read more
Dating by the Spirit, posted about 1 month ago from today
I imagine that to most of the world the term 'dating' conjures images of foot-loose fun and good times because dating is the opportunity to explore your options while enjoying the company of new acquaintances. Good times are something to... read more
My Dating Days and a Priesthood Blessing, posted about 1 month ago from today
So, mid-life dating--as you've discovered, I'm sure--has its ups and downs. Though I'm mighty glad I dated when I was a single lady, at the same time, I'm very glad it’s over now! I met a lot of really nice gentlemen, members and non-member... read more
Dating is Good Practice, posted about 1 month ago from today
Being newly single, especially after being married for a long time, can be a real shock to the system; it feels so unnatural to be unattached and on your own. Men and women, alike, can experience an irrational desire to quickly match up with someo... read more
There Are Thorns Among Those Roses!, posted about 1 month ago from today
As much as I enjoyed attending Single Adult activities while I was single, it wasn't all a bed of roses. As a matter of fact, my affiliation with SA started on a pretty thorny note. Since I decided I'd better meet some single ... read more
More on LDS Mid-Life Dating, posted about 1 month ago from today
Okay, so when I finally let go of my errant intention to marry that non-member gentleman (not errant solely because he was a non-member, mind you; errant because he wasn't right for me...), I began considering attending the Single Adult ... read more
"Dating After Divorce" (A Series), posted 2 months ago from today
This topic will be a fun series to cover over the next month! I have so many hilarious memories, curious experiences, valuable paradigm shifts, and "a-ha" moments I can share! Golly, where do I begin? How about at the beginning... Well, ... read more
Journal Your Way Through Divorce!, posted 2 months ago from today
I've talked about this before because it’s one of my favorite subjects, so forgive me if I repeat myself. But do you know how important it is to journal your thoughts and feelings? It's particularly valuable when you face serious life issues... read more
Hearing the Lord's Voice Through Divorce, posted 3 months ago from today
While we face divorce issues, it doesn't take much to throw us into an emotional tailspin sometimes. It can come when a conversation occurs that rubs us the wrong way, or perhaps it happens when an emotional outburst from our child adds to the in-... read more
Life is a Sequence, posted 3 months ago from today
Life is a sequence that begins in choice and ends in consequence. Divorce happens because one or both partners ignore the vital concept that our thoughts result in our choices, which in turn create our circumstances and our character. Since the b... read more
Healing From Divorce, posted 3 months ago from today
"Nature teaches us that the world will carry on, will continue to thrive and heal and flourish in the face of whatever pain has come our way." So writes Naomi Levy in "To Begin Again". As we look at how life has continued despite two world wars, ... read more
Check-Out My FB Page--LDS Divorce Support, posted 3 months ago from today
Be sure to check out my FB page for more LDS Divorce Support! I frequently post blogs that have been buried below the fold of this website--it's a good way to revisit encouraging and helpful information that can aid you as you face the challenges ... read more
Our Perception of God Through Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
One of the toughest things about life--especially for those of us who are religious-- is that we expect that if we keep the commandments we'll be spared the hard knocks in life. If this is our expectation of God, we're going to fee... read more
Cry About Your Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
Divorce is a time when we may feel we need to be at our best with our children, our friends, our extended family. We may believe that others have a need to see us strong and capable of handling our challenges. But even more so than... read more
Helping Children During Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
One of the reasons divorce is such a terrible tragedy is because of the effect it has on the children. When parents separate permanently, it can be a trauma as sorrowful as death. Divorce may seem to be the end of basic and fundam... read more
Divorce and the Brother of Jared, posted 4 months ago from today
I love the story of the Brother of Jared and the sixteen stones! Imagine being faced with the unimaginable project of building barges ("tight, like unto a dish") to transport your family and friends across the ocean. The Lord had a particula... read more
The Realities of Divorce, posted 4 months ago from today
Divorce. It's an escape hatch when a marriage goes terribly wrong and healing is impossible. Divorce is a default mechanism, of sorts; used to improve a person or a family's situation when chaos has reigned too long. When divorce happens, ev... read more
Divorced? Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself, posted 5 months ago from today
I read in the Mormon Times last month a great article by Wendy Ulrich, entitled: "When does it help to be hard on ourselves?" And guess what I learned? Never! is the answer to that conscientious question. Wendy talks about how we, as individ... read more
Divorced? Keep Your Temple Recommend Shiny!, posted 5 months ago from today
I hope all of you reading this blog have a temple recommend; if not, please devote your energies to becoming temple worthy and getting yourself to the temple. The temple is a place of peace and revelation--and you can't have enough of ei... read more
Has Divorce Effected Your Integrity?, posted 5 months ago from today
If integrity is "born when your beliefs and values come together and are consistent with your actions, and it dies when they are not," how is your integrity quotient now that you are divorced? Are you feeling "unworthy of love, acceptance, or adm... read more
Divorce, an Essential Wound, posted 5 months ago from today
I finished reading a great book this week--"Write From the Heart" by Hal Zina Bennett. For those of you who are aspiring writers, I recommend it. But back to my LDS divorce audience: Mr. Bennett talks about his theory that we all carry an essenti... read more
Relax, LDS Divorced Parents, posted 6 months ago from today
I was reading an entry in my journal the other day written during my former divorce days. I felt a keen responsibility to my children to set a good example, as I wrote: "So many thoughts, so many areas of concern. I never anti... read more
Divorce and "Unkept Promises", posted 6 months ago from today
Have any of you struggled with this particular issue? You love the Lord with all your heart and you've always done all you've been taught to keep the commandments, yet you find that you're divorced and forced to deal with many of the associated c... read more
"Enjoy to the End!", posted 6 months ago from today
Sunday was the first time our newly split ward met since our reconfiguration last week. What a glorious day! I could feel the spirit and the love of the Lord for our ward members. He definitely has plans for our little unit of Saints. The yo... read more
Avoiding Family Feuds, posted 6 months ago from today
I recently read some great tips on things to say to avoid family feuds--highly important as your family faces the challenges of divorce. Tip #1 "I need your help. Can you help me please?" This is what you say when you are dealing ... read more
The Effects of Porn on Marriage, posted 7 months ago from today
For our wonderful priesthood brethren who may have taken a wrong step, please know that we are praying for you. From Combatingpornography.org Click here read more
Romance After Divorce?, posted 7 months ago from today
Life is all about our ability, and desire, to continue progressing as we overcome the natural obstacles life presents. Earthlife is a graduate school, of sorts, and the course-work isn't intended to be easy! Divorce is one of the most ... read more
Saints of the Latter-days, posted 7 months ago from today
Ken and I hosted the awesome Single Adults in our ward last Monday night for FHE--I gave the lesson. I chose to discuss Benjamin De Hoyos April conference talk entitled: Called to Be Saints. In his address, Elder De Hoyos makes a rather amazing&n... read more
The Threatening Wave of Divorce, posted 8 months ago from today
I receive a lot of notes from sisters--and sometimes brothers, too--telling of disheartening stories about circumstances surrounding their divorce. It breaks my heart. Having faced similar challenges, myself, ten years ago, I can relate ... read more
Grinning and Bearing Through Divorce, posted 8 months ago from today
I love reviewing my old journals. That's where I find some of my best material for blogging. This morning was no exception. Earlier this year I recorded my thoughts about a particular challenge I was facing and penned this sentence: "It's th... read more
Divorce and Sexual Needs, posted 8 months ago from today
I won't be shy... For LDS folks--especially those who have been through the temple--how to manage sexual needs, as we face the challenges of divorce, is a big problem. When those powerful desires have been regularly met in a marriage relationship... read more
Remarriage continued..., posted 8 months ago from today
As I was saying in last night's blog... It will seem impossible to many people, as they date in hopes of reconnecting and eventually marrying, that they may never meet someone who meets their highest expectations. In this crazy world with so much... read more
Remarriage After Divorce, posted 8 months ago from today
Hosting this LDS divorce site was never meant to encourage people to divorce--only to act as a help for those who find themselves divorced and looking for a resource that supports LDS values while facing a challenging period in their life. As for... read more
The Single Adult Program, posted 8 months ago from today
When I was newly single, I recall when I first realized I was eligible to attend Single Adult activities--it was not a pleasant feeling! I felt I was taking a step backwards in the church, having gone from a married-with-children status, to what ... read more
Home Teaching the Single Sister, posted 8 months ago from today
Here's a link to an Ensign article I wrote a few years ago. I believe it might shed light on a reader's question that came up recently about how the church supports people who are divorced: Please take a minute to read: H... read more
Staying Smart Through Divorce, posted 9 months ago from today
Staying smart through divorce means figuring out what makes sense and then taking the next reasonable step. Oftentimes during emotionally upsetting times, such as going through divorce and all the associated challenges, we feel blindsided by the ... read more
Divorce Can Feel Like a Bad Hair Day, posted 9 months ago from today
While I was sitting in my hairstylist's chair a few years ago she said something that changed my life forever! She said, "If you're having a bad hair day, Salli, it's because your hair is still wet. Just keep blow drying ... read more
Divorce and Our Emotional Needs, posted 9 months ago from today
Even if you’ve been a fairly independent person in the past, divorce is no time to “go it alone”. There are simply certain times in life when we all need a friend and facing divorce is one of those times. Find a friend or family... read more
The Lord's Divorce Yoke, posted 9 months ago from today
Remember the beautiful scripture passage in Matt 11:28-30? 28. Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find r... read more
Stay Humble Through Divorce, posted 9 months ago from today
For LDS people, particularly, the decision to divorce represents a huge conflict. As members of the church, when we are married--and, most often, sealed--to the companion of our choice, we expect to stay together forever. Unfo... read more
The Master Silversmith, posted 9 months ago from today
By now you should know that nearly eight years ago, as a mid-life, divorced, single lady I met my new husband on the internet--LDSSingles.com, to be exact. We married quickly when we realized the Lord was encouraging us, and that is only the ... read more
He Is Risen!, posted 9 months ago from today
Christ The Lord Is Risen Today! Happy Easter! read more
Divorce and Your Self-Esteem, posted 9 months ago from today
So, my question to you today is: Will the fact that you are now divorced be a defining factor in how you see yourself for the rest of your life? Naturally, the experience of divorce will forever be a part of your history; but is it necessary... read more
Divorce--the Season to Step-Back, posted 10 months ago from today
Divorce is definitely a time to pace yourself. You might have been a super-person in the past, seeing to everyone's needs and taking each of life's assignments to an impressive second, or third, or fourth mile; but adjusting to divorce is no... read more
Sneak Peek , posted 10 months ago from today
The following is taken from my book "Clicking on a Miracle" and describes the first time I saw my husband Ken. Just for fun! “You’ve asked him to come here?” cried my oldest daughter, Olivia, clearly indignan... read more
Divorce and Words, posted 10 months ago from today
I saw a note in my journal this morning referencing a great book I read last fall, entitled: "The Confident Woman," by Joyce Meyer. My entry talked about the power of the words we speak; a subject that is of great interest... read more
Conference Thru the Eyes of Divorce, posted 10 months ago from today
Wasn't general conference wonderful? I enjoyed each session tremendously. Ken and I agree that we don't remember ever hearing a conference where the same scripture was repeated quite so often as during this week-end conference. "Lift up the... read more
Be "SALTY" Through Divorce, posted 10 months ago from today
I'm in 3rd Nephi right now and just beginning to read about the Savior's appearance to the Nephites after the destruction that attended His resurrection. I've thought it interesting, for years, that one of the first things He tells the Nephi... read more
Divorce and Your Adult Children, posted 10 months ago from today
I've had a few questions from readers on the topic of telling your adult children about your divorce. Here are a few tips: Don't become overly emotional with your children when discussing the divorce. Your children, no matter how old, are at a ... read more
Stay Spiritually Minded Through Divorce, posted 10 months ago from today
I enjoy speaking at Single Adult events and women's conferences regularly. One of the reasons is because I meet so many wonderful people, who love the Lord, and I learn so much from them. At a women's conference, awhile back, I was asked to ... read more
A Thought of Notable Worth, posted 10 months ago from today
Reading from the Book of Mormon this morning, I read a passage in Helaman 4:14 that sparked some ideas: "And because of their great wickedness, and the boastings in their own strength, they were left to their own strength; therefore they did not ... read more
The Divorce Prayer, posted 11 months ago from today
For the last 3 or 4 years, I've issued a reoccurring plea to the Lord: "Please, bless us with just enough trial to stretch and grow us, but no more than is necessary for us to learn the important lessons challenge brings." Since we've come t... read more
Light in the Divorce Tunnel, posted 11 months ago from today
My son, Dallin, and I are reviewing the Harry Potter movies in anticipation of this summer's release of the second half of "The Deathly Hollows"--and having some fun with it! Dumbledore is a favorite character of mine--I think of him as ... read more
A Divorce Healing Method, posted 11 months ago from today
In Relief Society last week, the topic of discussion centered on service. The common expression I heard, that day, was that most of the sisters preferred to be on the giving end of the giving and receiving exchange. Why is that? Maybe because si... read more
Divorce and Children, posted 11 months ago from today
When you are a child and your parents get divorced it can be the most devasating thing that has ever happened to you. When your parent's marriage breaks up, your whole world changes and you may feel you will never be happy again. Divorce ca... read more
First Priority When Divorcing, posted 11 months ago from today
I'm reminded, as I study the Book of Mormon this morning, how important it is to read the Word of God daily to receive the guidance, direction, and protection the Lord has for those who will heed His invitation. And I've discovered... read more
Divorce--a Threshing Sled, posted 11 months ago from today
Ken and I are reading "Divine Signatures," by Gerald N. Lund. Wonderful book; very inspiring. One topic Brother Lund discusses is the refinement process that life represents. He draws an analogy from the threshing sledge used ... read more
Our Wayward Children, posted 12 months ago from today
Four of my five children are active in the church and raising their children in a way that makes me proud. My fifth child--still single--in currently not attending church. Not only that, but he's acquired habits that exclude him from the tem... read more
Opening the Drawer, posted 12 months ago from today
Repentance is an all-encompassing solution to just about every problem. But who, among us, volunteers to do that important work on a regular basis? Unfortunately, most of us procrastinate the penitence process until circumstances stare ... read more
Groundhog's Day, posted about 1 year ago from today
Remember that great old Bill Murray movie from 1993, "Goundhog's Day"? The "groundhog's day" reference, for a dead-end situation that keeps coming back, is always a great analogy as we ponder difficult circumstances in our life that seem to never ... read more
Welcome to 2011!, posted about 1 year ago from today
What a great date: 01/01/11 The kind of date that inspires one to set their goals and standards high in order to begin anew, moving forward into a better life. For anyone, but especially those of us who have faced divorce, the new year... read more
It's CHRISTmas!, posted about 1 year ago from today
Merry Christmas, to all, during this glorious celebration of Christ's birth! May your holiday be filled with much love and sharing. Ken and I have enjoyed decorating our home for the holiday's: the Christmas tree is beautiful with twinkling ... read more
Fairness Isn't Always Best, posted about 1 year ago from today
The holidays can be a very difficult period for those going through divorce. It may be a time when you question the fairness of circumstances; the equity of life. You may feel you were dealt a poor hand and that you have been targeted by some... read more
Saddest of Divorces, posted about 1 year ago from today
The more pervasive the effects of pornography, the more divorce we will see--in and out of the Church. In our recent stake conference our president announced over the pulpit, "We are losing the battle with pornography." Sad, but true. So, w... read more
The Crucible of Divorce, posted about 1 year ago from today
Divorce is one of the most painful experiences we can have on earth. Losing a spouse to death is a challenge that tries our souls--yes. But divorce represents a failure on the most personal level. Even if you gave your marriage, and your spouse, t... read more
SMILE Through Divorce, posted about 1 year ago from today
I've been thinking a lot about smiling, lately. Smiles are so amazing! I walked into church this morning and a gentleman said, "Good morning, Sister Hollenzer! Thanks for your beautiful smile! I really needed it this morning!" Evidently I made a... read more
The Lord Knows the Way Through Divorce, posted about 1 year ago from today
I was out in New Hampshire for a few days--tending the grandkids. While there I read a book by Joyce Meyer, entitled, "The Confident Woman". Excellent book. Here are a couple of quotes that I feel, when looked at through the eyes of those going t... read more
Divorcing? The Savior Will Help, posted over 1 year ago from today
Facing divorce creates a lot of questions and concerns that can result in so much worry, concern, and uncertainty that--literally--our soul aches. Unfortunately, there are many voices in the world that will attempt to persuade ... read more
Divorce and a Willing Universe, posted over 1 year ago from today
I loved this article by Kevin Kelly. The whole idea that the universe is always there, waiting to help us out, is pretty encouraging. When one faces divorce the world can look pretty bleak, but after you read Kevin's article you'll be more inclin... read more
When Divorce Happens: Work!, posted over 1 year ago from today
Elder D. Todd Christopherson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, inspired my thinking last week in General Conferenece. "God has designed this mortal existence to require nearly constant exertion. I recall the Prophet Joseph Smith’s simp... read more
Reacting or....Creating?, posted over 1 year ago from today
I saw this on FaceBook today and thought it was worth passing on: John Groberg "Reacting. Move the c to the front- what do you get? Creating. Your choice every day Reacting or Creating." While going through divorce, and facing the resulting chal... read more
The Divorce "Trial", posted over 1 year ago from today
I was just thinking about life and it's challenges; you know, that "opposition in all things" factor that we experience as mortals? The first type of difficulty we experience--that is easily side-stepped--is represented by the ... read more
Find the Blessings of Your Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DiovrceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "Relationships and marriage are a co-creative process. You are both responsible ( for your divorce), as you both have played a part in its creation. Hence, you both have lessons to learn. Fixing blame on yoursel... read more
The Blessings of Tithing While Facing Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
When going through divorce we often face financial difficulties. Your disposal income will be less (if you have any!) and you may experience expenses related to divorce you haven't faced before. Adjusting to these new life-altering challenge... read more
I've been sick!, posted over 1 year ago from today
So sorry to neglect my readers these past few weeks, but I became ill the first week of August and I'm just now on my feet again. Good life lesson: WASH YOUR HANDS! There are bugs and coodies EVERYWHERE!! My thoughts about divorce ... read more
Getting Out of the Divorce Box, posted over 1 year ago from today
I listened to a wise man this morning. He was talking about changing behavior generally, but --as I usually do-- I listened with ears for ideas that might help my readers. And I found some divorce-help gems! "The ego" doesn't want us to win,... read more
Sunny Dawn Facebook Page, posted over 1 year ago from today
Check out my new Facebook wall and become a friend. I look forward to meeting you! Lots of love, Salli read more
Step Families, posted over 1 year ago from today
After you are divorced, and when the time is right, remarriage is an exciting step into a wonderful new life. Step families are often an important part of that experience. Having come from a family where my parents divorced, I had the privil... read more
Our True Identity, posted over 1 year ago from today
I found this short but incredibly beautiful talk today by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, second counselor in the First Presidency. Entitled: "Our True Identity", it spoke to my heart as I listened. There's someone out there that needs to hear... read more
LDS Divorce from a Child's Perspective, posted over 1 year ago from today
I finished an amazing book today entitled: "Relections from a Broken Mirror--Spiritual Values I Learned As an LDS Child of Divorce" by Deborah Eldredge Milne, Deseret Book Company, 1998. Having experienced my own parent's divorce when I was 16 ye... read more
Remarriage After Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
Remarriage after divorce is a concept that is different for every divorced person--there simply cannot be any hard-fast rules about what is best. It's a private choice; just be certain that you include the Lord in tha... read more
Magnify our Lives, posted over 1 year ago from today
Some thoughts to consider as you face divorce: "...fully magnify their mortal lives." I saw this phrase as I read "Miracle of Forgiveness" last night. I opened it's pages after watching mindless TV programs for awhile. I felt unin... read more
Rock Bottom, posted over 1 year ago from today
I've been shuffling this little piece of paper around for about three weeks. On one side of it is a hand scribbled note. In quotes. But I can't find who said it. Anyway, the note says: "Rock bottom became the sure foundation on which I... read more
Biggest Healing Obstacle in Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
From my observation, the biggest obstacle in healing from divorce is that people have a tendency to look back too much and too long. Though a certain amount of healthy ruminating is necessary in order to move forward, spending too much time ... read more
My Book on Internet Marriage , posted over 1 year ago from today
I received a great response from a reader yesterday. Sharlene, from Georgia, bought my e-book, "Clicking on a Miracle" and loved it! Here are her words: "Salli, just a note to let you know I finished reading "Clicking on a Miracle"! Wow! Tha... read more
"Courage Doesn't Always Roar", posted over 1 year ago from today
From a book entitled: "Courage Doesn't Always Roar," by Maryanne Radmacher: "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." "It takes courage to change your styl... read more
Self-Destruction in Slow Motion, posted over 1 year ago from today
I was talking to Olivia on the phone today (remember, she's my oldest daughter that you read about in "Clicking on a Miracle"). She lives in New Hampshire with her husband, Shawn, and their five children. She quoted something to me that she ... read more
Excellent Divorce Protocol, posted over 1 year ago from today
I had dinner with a dear friend the other night. She and I worked together as teacher aids in a special education classroom years ago. While work associates, we were both divorced. Well do we remember the days of standing in the rain on the p... read more
Mercy and Grace, posted over 1 year ago from today
Have you read, "Clicking on a Miracle" yet? It's my amazing story about how Ken and I met. Download the first chapter for free. You'll LOVE it! Everyone tells us, with tears in their eyes, it ought to be a movie! Anyway, my step-dad, Me... read more
Wisdom = Organized Life!, posted over 1 year ago from today
When you face divorce you also face a lot of existential questions: Why am I here? Where am I going? What is the meaning of life? From my own divorce days, I recall doubting every aspect of who I was. I questioned the achievements I had... read more
Above the Clouds, posted over 1 year ago from today
I've always found it facinating that no matter how cloudy, gray, and deary it is in Portland when I get on an airplane for another destination, that once we're above the clouds, how sunny, bright, and energizing the world seems. It facinates... read more
One Word, posted over 1 year ago from today
"One word frees us of all weight and pain in life, that one word is love." Sophocles read more
Two Kinds of Trials in Life, posted over 1 year ago from today
I was just thinking about life and it's challenges; you know, that "opposition in all things" factor that we experience as mortals? The first type of difficulty we experience--that is easily side-stepped--is represented by the natural c... read more
"Trust...No Matter What Goes Wrong", posted over 1 year ago from today
I saw this quote from Ann-Margaret in the Reader's Digest a few years. I recorded it in my journal because it impressed me at the time. I'll share it today as you experience the pains of your divorce. Remember, the Lord always knew you would ... read more
D&C 97:8-9--A Great Divorce Scripture, posted over 1 year ago from today
"Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice--yea every sacrifice which I the Lord shall command--they are accepted of ... read more
Divorce is a Type of Labor and Delivery!, posted over 1 year ago from today
When my oldest son was a newly returned missionary, I recall bemoaning my frustration about my divorced life to him as we lounged together on the back patio. He sat patiently and tried to be attentive, though I could sense it was a strug... read more
What Begins in Anger, Ends in Shame, posted over 1 year ago from today
I was going through my journal from a couple of years ago and I saw this quote from Benjamin Franklin: "Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." I discovered this quote during a time in my life when Ken and I ... read more
3 Principles to Combat the Effects of Pornography, posted over 1 year ago from today
I found a helpful website today that offers some interesting insights on how to guard against the effects of pornography. It's not an LDS site, but the principles they offer are what the church teaches. read more
Unexpected Places, posted over 1 year ago from today
Whew! Glad we got all that divorce toxicity out of our system! I hope you've benefited by the DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com material that I've been quoting from for the past several days. I think they make some pretty good points about releasing e... read more
Final Note on Toxicity, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "This is the time in which you would really benefit from a lot of empathy, love, and compassion not shame or judgment. Foster love and compassion for yourself and request it from your community of support. Ask yo... read more
A Bit More on Toxicity, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "Leading a new, fulfilling and happy life is more than worth the commitment to purge. Dwelling in thoughts and feelings that do not empower you is unhealthy and destructive to your new future. Negative think... read more
More on Toxicity, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "You are acknowledging what is so for you and giving whatever it is permission to be there. Guess what? If you do just that while NOT entertaining any negative and disempowering internal dialogue, you will move t... read more
More on Releasing Toxicity, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "The emotional haywire you are experiencing is being triggered by present events and it is important to maintain awareness that your old emotional wounds and pain from your past are being reactivated as well. You... read more
Releasing Emotional Toxicity, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com You're going through one of the most emotionally challenging experiences in life. The divorce process can be something like an emotional roller coaster of anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, sadness, depression ... read more
Facing Reality During Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com "It takes two to tango and the reality is that two people occupy a marriage. This makes you both co-creators of the marriage and the divorce. Do you have good evidence that your ex is at fault? Consider that you ... read more
Choosing Honesty and Responsibility As You Go Through Divorce, posted over 1 year ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com Choosing Honesty and Responsibility Over Being a Victim "If you really want to survive the emotional wounds of divorce and create a new life, then you will need to choose being totally responsible over b... read more
Fifth Stage of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com The fifth aspect of the divorce grieving process is acceptance. Basically, you've resolved emotional issues and accepted the reality of divorce. You are now able to stay in control, think strategically, and focus... read more
Fourth Stage of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
From DiovrceSupportGroupsBlog.com A fourth aspect of the divorce grieving process is depression. Depression is completely normal and can set in over time. During this phase, you will cry a lot and it's important to let yourself cry when you feel ... read more
Third Stage of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com A third aspect of the divorce grieving process is bargaining. Bargaining is different from negotiating in that it is characteristic of desperation and a cligning to the marriage. Bargaining sounds something like,... read more
Second Stage of Divorce Grief--part 2, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Again, taken from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "I have also found toning to be a very effective method to release anger. With toning, you take a deep breath and then make a vocal sound sustaining it for the length of the breath. Then take anothe... read more
Second Stage of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Once again, from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "A second aspect of the divorce grieving process is anger. By the time the subject of divorce has come up, there have probably been many instances of frustration and sources of anger in your marriage... read more
First Stage of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "The first stage of divorce grief is denial. In this stage, your mind basically refuses to accept what is happening. Denial is very common and occurs when our mind is presented with contradictory information fro... read more
Stages of Divorce Grief, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Taken from DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: From "Top 10 Strategies to Heal the Pain of Divorce..." as viewed on DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: "Did you know that there are stages of the divorce grieving process? Knowing them will support you during... read more
Honesty Over Victimhood, posted almost 2 years ago from today
From DivorceSupportGroupsBlog.com: Choose honesty and responsibility over being a victim. To overcome victimhood, ask yourself the following questions: 1) What are the facts and truths of my marriage and divorce? How have I confused truths and f... read more
Self-Mastery and Measured Pleasure, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Divorce is such a great time to re-evaluate important aspects of your life. Wipe the slate clean and decide what you want to change about yourself. We've talked before about the idea of "re-inventing" yourself at this critical juncture. Did you k... read more
Your True Worth, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Going through divorce can leave a person doubting their worth. Because the process of divorce can feel like an amputation without anesthesia, it's not uncommon that a person might be left feeling emotionally shattered and physically spe... read more
Continuing With "The Perfect Match" Idea, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I knew a lady once who said that she and her husband were a perfect match. As I observed them over the course of several months, I couldn't help notice how different they were from each other: she was active, liked to be involved with lots of peop... read more
Is There Really A Perfect Match Out There?, posted almost 2 years ago from today
One of our readers asked this question the other day. The answer is---YES! But remember, as is true with all of earthlife, perfection is relative..First ask yourself these questions when you are considering remarriage: Can a garden be "per... read more
The Benefits of Professional Counseling, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Over the course of my challenging marriage I sought support through LDS Social Services and found that it helped a lot. Did it solve my marital troubles? Personally, no; mostly due to the fact that I was the only person in my marriage union t... read more
Clicking on a Miracle, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I've received lots of feedback, through our readers, that life as a divorced person is hard. It breaks my heart to hear sad circumstances, but because of my experience I can also tell you that things really do get better! And often, they get so m... read more
The Embarrassment of Divorce?, posted almost 2 years ago from today
When I was considering divorce, back in the day, I petioned the Lord a lot on the subject. I had to figure out how a decision like divorce could be right for me when much of what I felt I understood, spoken to us by our prophet and general authori... read more
Letting Go of the World, posted almost 2 years ago from today
A wonderful exercise that you can begin as you face divorce and the opportunity to build a new life, is to ponder what it might mean to begin letting go--just a bit more than you ever have before--of things of a worldly nature. In general confere... read more
Pretending Not to Know-part 2, posted almost 2 years ago from today
When we face divorce with its associated troubles, pretending not to know something becomes far too easy. Since "pretending not to know" inhibits character growth and keeps us stuck, here are some thoughts to consider on how to change: heighte... read more
Pretending Not to Know, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I read an article a few years ago about things people pretend not to know. You know, like pretending not to know that you left the store without paying for something, or that you took credit for an idea that wasn't really yours, or that something... read more
The Divorce Dance!, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Take a minute to check out this funny YouTube video! The Divorce Dance read more
Helen Steiner Rice , posted almost 2 years ago from today
"When God makes a promise, It remains forever true, For everything God promises He unalterably will do. When you're disillusioned And every hope is blighted Recall the promises of God And your faith will be relighted." read more
Patience is better than Pride, posted almost 2 years ago from today
"Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit," Eccl.7:8. While I was newly divorced and experiencing the learning curve of going from being married to being divorced, as we... read more
Making the Decision Ahead of Time, posted almost 2 years ago from today
When I was recovering from divorce and considering remarriage, I remember making the decision that I didn't want to marry someone who needed to be converted to the ways of the Lord. I wanted someone who was already worthy to go to the temple...and... read more
Every Day is a Gift, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I found this today and thought I would share it with those of you facing the transition from being married to divorced. Barry Gottlieb's thoughts can help when coping with divorce and divorce recovery. Enjoy! Excerpt from: Every Day is a Gift,... read more
If You Could See the End From the Beginning, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I've always loved the phrase, "If you could see the end from the beginning," for good reason. As the tale goes, twenty-eight years ago, when I was freshly processing the news that my little baby had cerebral palsy the spirit whispered, as I lay c... read more
Little Children and Divorce, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Little children can carry heavy burdens. While they dig tunnels, roads, and build mountains in the sandbox, they can be reflecting on the angry words their parents shouted at each other over breakfast, or remembering their mothers sobs echoing th... read more
How Do Great Things Come?, posted almost 2 years ago from today
That is a good question--especially when you are divorced and trying to carve out a future for yourself! To answer the question, "How do great things come?" I have been told that the best solutions are very simple and are typically right in front... read more
Diggin' Up Old Garbage, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I was reviewing a journal entry from October conference 2006 and remembered the talk given by Elder Shane Boen. Do you remember it? He described the city of Idaho Falls and the fact that beautiful parks and a useful airport are all built on top of... read more
To Want What the Lord Wants, posted almost 2 years ago from today
At my age (mid 50's), I've come to embrace a simple truth that seems--at least for me--to make life much easier. That truth is to simply let go of all that I think I want and to say to the Lord, "Thy will be done." It's not that I've let go of my... read more
The Nature of Earthlife, posted almost 2 years ago from today
I believe that the nature and purpose of earthlife, with all its good and bad rolled together, holds tremendous eternal purpose and meaning. Especially as it pertains to the heartbreak that manifests in our life from time to time. Like ... read more
What We are Feeling, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Today I read the phrase: "What we are feeling leads us to what we experience." It struck me how true that is! We already know that what we continually think about--for good or for evil--creates what happens for us. If we feel passionately about bu... read more
Telling Adult Kids , posted almost 2 years ago from today
The question of telling your adult kids about your divorce has recently come up. Here are the thoughts I shared: Telling your adult children will be easier than you anticipate. They have seen and experienced more than you might realize. After so ... read more
"It's Better to Have Loved and Lost...", posted almost 2 years ago from today
Since we've all been divorced on this site, perhaps its okay to discuss our failed marriage since it can--at times--hover like a ghost in the background of our lives. I'll go first. : ) I wonder sometimes if people who haven... read more
February Focus for "Married / Divorced", posted almost 2 years ago from today
Gee whiz! We are five days into February already! Where does time go? They use to say, "Time flies when you are having fun," but when I was married, and then divorced, I found that time flies whether you are having fun or not! You might feel tha... read more
A Final Note on New Beginnings, posted almost 2 years ago from today
Today marks the end of the first month of 2010...amazing how quickly time flies! Since I've been talking about "fresh starts" and "new beginnings" when you are going from being married to being divorced, how can I not spend time on the most meani... read more
How About Adding Holiness to our Lives?, posted almost 2 years ago from today
As someone who has been through divorce, and as I think about new beginnings and how I want to improve myself, I've been compelled to ponder the value and importance of adding more spirituality--holiness, if you will--to my life; especially now th... read more
Speaking of Positive Affirmations..., posted about 2 years ago from today
After I remarried, 6 1/2 years ago, and Ken and I moved from Portland, Oregon to Madison, Wisconsin ("Clicking on a Miracle" see our Product Page for more details!), I decided to write a list of events and ambitions I wanted to have happen in my l... read more
The Words, "I am...", posted about 2 years ago from today
Now that you have gone from being married to being divorced, let's spend a little bit of time reviewing one of my particular favorite ways in which we can move forward to intend a fresh and positive start into the future. The old fashioned ... read more
No One Said Divorce Would Be Easy..., posted about 2 years ago from today
I was thinking today of the many references we hear regarding life, such as: "Anything worthwhile is never easily achieved," "No one said it would be easy--only worth it," and "Life is hard work--and hard work hurts!" It doesn't sound very encour... read more
How to Begin After Divorce? Channel Your Energy!, posted about 2 years ago from today
Being married and then divorcing can take all the wind out of your sails for awhile. My worst health and my most depleted-energy-days all seemed to happen when I was transitioning from being married to being divorced. Perhaps it was because the l... read more
"Remember Lot's Wife" by Jeffrey R. Holland, posted about 2 years ago from today
January is a great time to ponder new beginnings. Here's a beautiful talk recommended to Ken and I this afternoon by a couple in our ward. Entitled, "Remember Lot's Wife" Given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland last year on January 13th, 2009 at a BYU ... read more
New Year Ahead!, posted about 2 years ago from today
Welcome to 2010! The New Year is such a great time to pause and evaluate, consider the possibilities, and begin again to create the life you want to enjoy when you have transitioned from being married to being divorced. I like that about life!&nb... read more
An Amputation Without Anesthesia, posted about 2 years ago from today
They say some divorces are "good" divorces. I suppose that means that valiant, long-term attempts were made to revive (or salvage) the marriage and the reality of continuing on together is determined counter-productive. Yes, I guess a marriage ch... read more
Set a Date, posted about 2 years ago from today
Despite the fact that I was the spouse that initiated divorce, the transition from being married to being divorced was not an easy one for me. In the beginning I felt the need to explain myself to everyone I knew. As word got around that I was se... read more
When I was Single, Going to Church Was Hard, posted about 2 years ago from today
I've always loved the gospel of Jesus Christ. Growing up in an active LDS family, I doubt that I ever missed church more than two weeks in a row. I raised my children the same way--we went to church no matter the weather! And it wasn't hard. ... read more
search
weekly quote
resources